but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
