3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
