I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
