just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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