Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
