hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
