she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
