he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
