Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
