He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
