ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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