Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
