I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
