Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
