His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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