tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
