You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
