i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
