omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
