FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
