hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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