who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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