all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
