Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
