I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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