Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
