the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
