Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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