I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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