eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
