Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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