I can text with my tongue
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
