i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I will be naked everywhere
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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