the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
