so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
