Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
