Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is that strawberry winking at me??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
