so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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