I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
