Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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