He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
