I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
