When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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