i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
PANTIES FOUND
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