I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
