When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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