she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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