Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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