i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
