I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
