apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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