OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
