Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
