When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
