i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
