I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
