Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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