but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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