so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
