Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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