It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
