ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
