i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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