It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
