I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
