how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
