dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
