Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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